Meditation is often misunderstood as a straightforward method for self-improvement, but in reality, it serves as a gateway to understanding all facets of our being. After dedicating around 12,000 hours to meditation over four decades, I can attest that it hasn’t transformed me into an ideal version of myself. I still experience social anxieties, moments of nervousness, and the occasional embarrassment in public, particularly around my preteen child.

The primary shift I’ve noticed is an enhanced self-awareness, allowing me to confront and acknowledge the less savory aspects of my personality. This journey of self-discovery took time, during which I often forced myself to see only the favorable traits, ignoring the shadows cast by my flaws.

What I learned is that embracing both light and dark aspects is essential; my internal village comprises individuals of varying natures. Those close to me recognized this complexity long before I did. To truly grasp this, I had to be still and observe.

When engaging in sincere meditation, one might anticipate tranquility and bliss. However, the experience often contrasts sharply with such expectations—feelings of agitation, restlessness, and mental noise may arise instead. If one isn’t experiencing these discomforts, it’s likely they’ve drifted into a state of unconsciousness rather than genuine relaxation.

Authentic meditation can, at times, heighten anxiety and stress as it strips away the distractions that shield us from our deeper feelings. This reality diverges from the typical portrayals of meditation, which often depict serene images of individuals in blissful states. Many advertisements treat meditation as a tool for immediate relief, neglecting the potential for initial discomfort as one confronts their repressed emotions.

Meditation is not a quick fix for calmness or happiness but rather an invitation to embrace the entirety of one’s being.

At 18, my first attempt at stillness revealed my deep-seated need for constant achievement. A driven actor, athlete, and student, I shunned free time, filling my schedule to the brim with activities. However, one day, when left alone with an unstructured afternoon, I was confronted by a wave of anxiety that prompted me to seek distraction.

In that moment of quiet, I recognized the urgency of my unease; I had never before faced the silence without a plan to fill it. I realized meditation might be a way to explore the tumultuous feelings within me. After a long day, once my family had left, I resolved to sit in stillness, dragging out my dinner to delay the inevitable confrontation with emptiness.

Sitting on the couch, I told myself, “How hard can it be? I just need to do nothing.” Yet, as time passed, I discovered how challenging it truly was. My thoughts raced, and I felt uncomfortable, yet I understood that facing myself was vital.

Seven minutes in, I questioned my anxiety and discomfort. How was it so difficult to remain still? Despite the struggle, I managed to endure an hour of introspection, uncovering aspects of my psyche that I had neglected. It was a turning point, revealing the chaotic nature of my thoughts and my lack of control over them.

Thus began my journey toward meditation—a practice that shifted my perspective significantly.

Over the decades, I’ve learned that meditation does not guarantee feelings of peace or happiness. This misconception often leads newcomers to abandon the practice prematurely. Instead, meditation is about being present with yourself, regardless of the emotions that arise.

We are conditioned to believe we should only experience positive feelings, and when meditation doesn’t meet these expectations, we dismiss it. This assumption disconnects us from the opportunity to genuinely engage with ourselves and our current state.

Meditation allows us to acknowledge the myriad of voices within us. For instance, when trying to adhere to a diet, the decision-maker may vanish when temptation arises. This fragmentation highlights our internal conflicts, and meditation provides a space to observe these competing characters without judgment.

By pausing, we can reduce the triggers that often lead us astray. This practice fosters a sense of harmlessness as we learn to navigate our inner landscape without indulging every impulse.

Meditation creates an environment where actions are not immediately compelled by our inner turmoil. It is a space where we can witness our conflicting thoughts without succumbing to them, allowing for integrity and self-awareness to emerge.

Integrity involves cultivating a perspective that acknowledges our true selves, enabling us to manage our impulses and actions effectively. When we’re present, we can identify when our thoughts or behaviors don’t align with our values and intentions.

Often, when we apologize for our actions, we acknowledge that we were not fully present. This realization underscores the importance of maintaining a broader perspective to ensure our actions reflect our true purpose.

True fulfillment arises from mastering the self, allowing us to pursue our goals without self-sabotage. While meditation may lead to moments of calm and centeredness, that peace emerges from an authentic engagement with our lives rather than external forces.

Meditation encourages us to honor our true selves, confronting even the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings that arise. It allows us to accept all aspects of our being, fostering inner authority that can guide us away from harmful impulses.

Ultimately, the reason to meditate may be elusive. Meditation reflects life’s fluidity and prompts us to explore our motivations. You might find that even without a clear purpose, the practice of being present can deeply resonate with you.

Meditation is simple yet challenging, requiring honesty with ourselves in the present moment. Many resources can offer practical advice for cultivating a meditation practice. My aim is to keep this journey straightforward, as complexity can lead to avoidance rather than self-discovery.

In striving to become better individuals, we often overlook our inherent goodness. As spiritual teacher Arnaud Desjardins once said, “Instead of trying to go so high, try just not going so low.” Embracing this wisdom has allowed me to understand myself more deeply, ultimately helping me grow as a person.