Embracing Death as a Teacher: The Gift of Life
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Understanding Death and Grief
Death is not something to evade or ignore; rather, it is an integral part of life that invites us to confront our mortality and engage with grief.
“The heart that breaks open can contain the whole universe.”
~Joanna Macy
Some years back, I led the funeral service for an elderly gentleman who had lived a full life. During the memorial, his teenage granddaughter delivered a reading that revealed the essence of her grandfather. With unexpected poise, she approached the lectern and said, “I chose this passage because it reflects the qualities of my grandfather.” She began reading from First Corinthians 13, which describes love in a way that resonated deeply with everyone present.
“Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Hearing this passage in a context of loss struck me profoundly, transforming it from a familiar wedding reading to a poignant tribute.
Life's Virtues: Resume vs. Eulogy
David Brooks, a notable columnist, differentiates between two categories of virtues: those we cultivate in the first half of life—resume virtues—and those that emerge in the latter half—eulogy virtues. In our early years, we focus on achievements, careers, and the impressions we make. As we grow older, however, we begin to reflect on what we hope others will remember about us after we are gone. Were we kind, compassionate, and supportive? Or were we self-centered and boastful? The latter part of life provides us with a valuable opportunity to ponder these deeper questions.
Death serves as a significant gift, compelling us to confront our limitations and consider how we allocate our time and energy.
Holy Week: A Reflection on Death
This week, commonly known as Holy Week, invites us to confront the reality of death. The liturgical practices of the Christian faith highlight the brutal execution methods of the Romans, particularly crucifixion, which was designed to maximize suffering and serve as a deterrent to rebellion. This week culminates in the solemnity of Good Friday.
Holy Week is steeped in themes of death. Its origins trace back to the Passover celebration, commemorating the liberation of the Israelites from slavery in Egypt. The Passover meal, which recalls their flight from bondage, has become central to early Christian rituals. Over time, this observance evolved, particularly during the 4th century, intertwining with the Last Supper and further emphasizing themes of mortality.
Despite the heavy focus on death, many in contemporary American society shy away from it. As Stephen Jenkinson, a Canadian palliative care counselor, aptly notes, we are often “death phobic and grief illiterate.” I recall a conversation with a friend who, when invited to a Good Friday service, declined, saying, “Nah, it’s too depressing. I’ll wait for Easter. That’s more uplifting.” This perspective reflects a culture that seeks instant gratification and avoids discomfort.
Embracing Death and Grief
From an early age, I was fascinated by the concept of death. The film Annie Hall captured my attention, addressing the existential dilemmas faced by young adults. In one scene, Alvy Singer attempts to persuade Annie to explore literature on death, prompting me to dive into Ernst Becker’s The Denial of Death. This journey led to profound realizations about my vocation, as my experiences in pastoral care have consistently brought me face-to-face with grief.
My time in a hospital cancer ward taught me the importance of navigating death and loss. These experiences became a source of wisdom, revealing that our unexpressed sorrows obstruct access to our innermost selves. Denise Levertov poignantly captures this idea in her poetry, suggesting that unexpressed grief hinders our connection to the soul.
Engaging with grief can deepen our connection to the divine and to one another. The shared human experience of loss, whether through personal heartache or collective tragedies, creates a bond that transcends individual suffering. In recent years, the global death toll from Covid-19 has underscored our collective grief, exacerbated by societal issues such as climate change, racism, and conflict. The rise in negative behavior can often be traced back to unprocessed sorrow.
A Call to Action
More than just a commendable funeral, we need a cultural shift toward acknowledging grief. Every reader of this article is encouraged to advocate for grief support groups within their communities—be it in churches, schools, or workplaces. Resources are available to facilitate this transformation.
Holy Week reminds us that death is intertwined with life, and understanding this connection can lead to profound insights. The embrace of death by Christ symbolizes a deeper understanding of life. In recognizing death as a friend, we can uncover its role in unifying our human experience, leading us to the profound realization of “Good” Friday.
Let us embrace this journey together—acknowledging the losses of the past and present, and finding strength in community as we navigate grief. Until next time, prioritize kindness towards yourself and those around you.
In Death, the Gift of Life Launch Event - YouTube: This event explores the profound connections between death and the essence of living fully.
Death is a Gift for the Living - YouTube: This video discusses how the reality of death enriches our lives and relationships, encouraging a deeper understanding of our shared humanity.
About the Author
Jim Hazelwood is an author and the upcoming book Everyday Spirituality is set to be released soon. He is also the Bishop of the New England Synod of Lutherans and shares insights through his blog and podcast at www.bishoponabike.com.