Finding Meaning Amidst Life's Challenges and Anxieties
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Chapter 1: The Metaphorical Wall of Life
Life often feels like I’m throwing metaphorical horseshit at a vast wall, trying to make sense of it all. My journey began with a degree in economics, which I initially thought I enjoyed. However, as I progressed through my studies, boredom set in, and I barely scraped through with average grades.
I then dabbled in music, picking up the guitar and singing, convinced I wanted to become a musician. After a few years of struggling, I realized it wasn't the path for me, and I chose to move on. My next venture was becoming a YouTuber and travel vlogger, fueled by dreams of exploring the globe and creating engaging content. The reality, however, proved to be much different.
Sometimes, when left alone with my thoughts, it feels as if all the efforts I’ve made to impact this chaotic wall of life are slipping away, creating a towering pile of unfulfilled aspirations. The overwhelming stench of failure makes me question my capabilities and purpose. It’s not unusual to experience such feelings; many share these moments of self-doubt.
The internet exposes us to the seemingly perfect lives of others, showcasing their successes while masking their struggles. This constant comparison can make our own endeavors feel trivial. Each time we pursue a fleeting interest and fail, our self-esteem takes a hit, leading to an ongoing struggle with our worth.
However, I have come to understand that this is the essence of life. There’s no definitive guide on how to navigate our journeys; we often learn from one another's experiences. For instance, emulating a successful person's morning routine may not yield the same results, as we do not share identical circumstances. Their success is often the result of their own trials and errors, and we must undergo our own learning processes.
Through each experience, I’ve gained insights about myself. My time at university clarified my disinterest in economics while providing a basic understanding of concepts like supply and demand. My attempts at music revealed that while I don’t wish to pursue it as a career, it can still bring joy to my personal life.
Becoming a YouTuber has allowed me to cherish memories and build confidence in front of the camera. I’ve acquired skills in filming and editing while documenting my travels. Reflecting on my growth over the past year, I see how much I’ve learned and improved in various areas, and how these skills may help me achieve future aspirations.
Currently, I’m writing on Medium, where I’ve gained insights into effective writing. I can articulate my thoughts and experiences, particularly in health and fitness, making them valuable to others. While I still have much to learn, I’ve made a promising start.
The key takeaway is that some of the efforts I’ve made are beginning to stick to that metaphorical wall. Activities like working out and writing have integrated into my life. I aim to focus on pursuits that resonate with me, rather than those that don’t.
It’s possible that I may spend my entire life throwing things at the wall without achieving anything monumental. Yet, I take pride in having the courage to try new things. Even if I leave this world without significant accomplishments, I’ll be content knowing that I embraced opportunities rather than dwelling on missed chances. The weight of regret is far heavier than the burden of failure.
“A person can try again after a failure but doesn’t always get the opportunity once missed.” — Unknown