Part 1: The Initial High

Five years ago, I decided to train for a half marathon alongside a friend. My motivations were twofold: to improve my fitness and to raise money for a charitable cause. The exhilaration of enhancing my pace and increasing my distance was remarkable. I registered on the Strava app to track my progress, and each time I beat my personal best or surpassed others on my feed, my self-esteem soared.

The half marathon itself was a significant milestone. Despite a minor accident that left a lasting scar on my knee, crossing the finish line filled me with immense pride. Accumulating medals from various races felt like a major achievement, and during this initial phase, running positively impacted my mental health.

Part 2: An Unhealthy Obsession

However, my relationship with running took a negative turn when I began to treat Strava like a social media platform. My usage transformed into an obsession, driven by a need to compare myself to others. I became fixated on scrutinizing their running stats, routes, and comments.

Whenever someone was slower than me, I experienced a thrill. Conversely, my ego craved the ‘kudos’ and comments from my own posts. I was on top of the world! Yet, I started to curate my online persona, hiding slower runs and crafting excuses like "not feeling my best" to justify my performance. This approach stripped away the genuine enjoyment I once felt for the sport.

For two years, I maintained this unhealthy dynamic. Outwardly, I appeared as a dedicated and fit individual who loved running, but internally, I battled insecurity and contempt for the very activity I once cherished. Running became less about health and relaxation and more about competition, which ultimately robbed me of its joy.

Part 3: The Moment of Reckoning

I wish I could say that self-awareness led me to reevaluate my approach, but it took a significant injury to change my perspective. In July 2020, while living near Hampstead Heath, I recklessly attempted to run up Parliament Hill without adjusting my training. This led to painful shin splints, forcing me to halt all high-impact activities.

Part 4: The Shift in Perspective

Being unable to run without discomfort prompted me to reconsider my attitude towards the sport. Surprisingly, I found relief rather than sadness in my inability to run. It freed me to explore alternative forms of exercise without the pressure of a running schedule.

Eventually, I realized I wanted to return to running, but this time with a focus on enjoyment instead of speed. I deleted Strava, which, while beneficial for tracking, had also contributed to my obsession. I gradually reintroduced running into my routine without monitoring my pace or distance. I began with short runs and slowly trained myself to appreciate the process rather than compete.

Part 5: Building a Healthier Relationship

Today, I've established healthier habits, including setting time and distance goals rather than focusing solely on pace, celebrating the simple act of running, and incorporating diverse workouts like cycling and walking. While not every run is perfect, I now experience a sense of freedom, running at a comfortable pace and relishing the thrill of pushing myself when I choose to do so.

Two Key Takeaways

1. Reframing the Runner Identity: By redefining what it means to be a runner, I’ve become a better one. My pace may have slowed, but my happiness has increased.
2. Sustainability: Creating lasting, healthy habits is crucial, whether in sports or other aspects of life.

Hi! I’m Imogen. If you enjoy my work, feel free to follow me on Medium for more insights!