Understanding the Value of Negative Emotions

No one enjoys the anguish of loneliness—it can be mentally and physically debilitating. However, the sensation of loneliness serves a purpose.

John T. Cacioppo, a pioneer in this area, clarified that the pain of solitude propels us to seek companionship, cooperation, and protection, ultimately contributing to a meaningful existence.

From an evolutionary standpoint, the importance of companionship is even clearer. Throughout millions of years, having allies has been crucial for survival against predators. Those who lacked the capacity to feel lonely would not have survived to pass on their genes.

Similar reasoning applies to other forms of psychological discomfort. Anger or anxiety can prompt problem-solving, guilt or sadness may drive behavioral change, and jealousy can inspire increased effort.

These emotional challenges can certainly detract from our happiness, yet their sting has historically been beneficial—especially if we learn to harness them effectively.

The Significance of Change

Another barrier to enduring happiness lies in how our brains operate. Our minds are primarily attuned to change; thus, anything that remains constant quickly fades into the background.

Winning a million-dollar lottery brings immense joy, but losing $500,000 afterward feels like a significant loss. How can that be when, on the surface, you still have an extra $500,000?

David M. Buss, in his paper The Evolution of Happiness, noted:

> “Americans today have more cars, color TVs, computers, and brand-name clothes than they did several decades ago, but Americans are no happier now than they were then.”

Throughout much of our evolutionary history, change has held crucial information. Once situations stabilize (like the luxurious lives of lottery winners), our brains adapt and reset to seek something new.

We seem destined to navigate an emotional rollercoaster, where the value emerges only when we appreciate the journey.

Jonathan Haidt, in his book The Happiness Hypothesis, offers this insight:

> “Set for yourself any goal you want. Most of the pleasure will be had along the way, with every step that takes you closer. The final moment of success is often no more thrilling than the relief of taking off a heavy backpack at the end of a long hike.”

Human Nature and Competition

Why does it sting to hear gossip about yourself? Why is it satisfying to witness the downfall of someone you dislike? (The Germans have a term for this: “Schadenfreude.”)

Whether we like it or not, we are descendants of those who thrived through natural selection—those who were more attuned to shifts in their social standing.

If you’ve ever felt the low of rejection or the high of winning a debate, you know exactly what I'm referring to. Our brains are wired for comparison. In this "status game," one person's gain often equates to another's loss.

This raises an important question: If an individual's happiness partly hinges on the misfortune of others, can we create a world where everyone’s quality of life improves rather than just those at the top?

While I can't offer a magical solution (again, our goal isn’t to be happy all the time), experts have shared helpful advice.

One suggestion is to foster cooperation. Humans are unique in our ability to collaborate beyond genetic boundaries—this is achieved by sharing common goals or destinies. When you work for a company you believe in or align with an organization’s mission, it becomes easier to prioritize collective well-being.

Another strategy involves comparing yourself in a constructive manner. Einstein wisely stated:

> “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

We can explore our passions and strengths, thereby building mastery and a positive reputation. Everyone has something they can excel at.

The Challenges of Modern Life

A common question arises: “Are modern individuals happier than their ancestors?”

That’s a complex inquiry.

Despite reports indicating rising depression rates, no one wishes to return to a time plagued by parasites, dangerous predators, or the agony of starvation.

While we enjoy remarkable comforts compared to hunter-gatherers, it doesn’t mean we face no challenges—especially concerning our well-being. Let me explain.

For millennia, humans thrived in small groups of 50-200 close companions—they awakened, hunted, dined, celebrated, bathed, conversed, and expressed frustration together. The phenomenon of individual self-sufficiency amidst a sea of unrelated individuals is a recent development in our history.

Thus, while your physical self may manage solitary work with just a laptop, your emotional self still yearns for those intimate relationships found in genuine human interactions.

This trend is concerning, as highlighted by Johann Hari:

> “We are the loneliest society there has ever been. There’s a study that asks Americans ‘How many close friends do you have that you could call on in a crisis?’ When they started doing it years ago, the most common answer was five. Today the most common answer is none.”

Additional worries stem from media influences that widen the gap between reality and expectation. The overwhelming number of choices can lead to decision fatigue, making it difficult for anyone to navigate.

I believe in the power of science and technology, but their current impact on our well-being needs critical evaluation.

Regardless of how far we venture into space or how comfortable our lives become, if we lack meaning and tranquility, those advancements hold little significance.

Can We Increase Our Happiness?

From the tiniest atom to the ancient philosophy of Yin and Yang, nature embodies two opposing forces, each counterbalancing the other.

Electrons neutralize protons, order counteracts chaos, and happiness balances unhappiness. The concepts of ‘positivity’ and ‘negativity’ are two facets of the same reality.

However, asserting that we can’t be happy all the time does not imply we can’t be happier at all. Indeed, scientific research consistently demonstrates that it’s feasible to enhance our happiness levels—albeit in ways we might not initially consider.

It was foolish of me to expect endless happiness.

Yet, my misjudgment led to enlightenment, as it introduced me to evolutionary psychology—the field where I discovered the other side of negativity, the nature of competitive behavior, and the truth that we aren’t designed for a "happily ever after."

While this realization may be disheartening at first, it also represents a vital step toward personal growth, wisdom, and ultimately, a more fulfilling life.